Mafia Gazette Past Issue 26
16th September, 2005 'BODY SNATCHER STALKS GRAVEYARD' From: Pazz-the-Magnificent It seems that there is now a body snatcher on the loose in our community. Ed_Gein has been spotted going through caskets stealing carious body parts, which he says will be put to use as various objects. Suits, masks, bowls, lampshades, bedposts, and a skull collection are among the various things that the bodies are being used for. Upon further investigation this reporter found a ghastly scene. At the house of Gein many more dead bodies were found. There was even an armchair made completely from human skin. Police were horrified at the quantity of items found in Gein’s house and it may take them weeks to piece together all the corpses uncovered in their recent raid. People are just not safe with this maniac on the loose. Police have warned people to take extra security measures when burying loved ones. 'NOTES FROM THE ASYLUM #2' By: Lexicon Gah - what a day! I think stress is starting to get the better of me after I found myself hurling expletives at people on the Street. On the plus side we were pleased to welcome Dr. Arielle QVC. OCD. LSD. into the fold - Tie in particular seems to be responding well to her personal attention. Having spent the day dodging bullets from "admirers" I returned to St. MZs exhausted, diagnosed myself with OCD & Tourettes, and delved into the medicine store. Recently at St. MZs: Random vegetables and numbers have been seen flying around the hospital. Whilst I assumed they were a result of my medication, Dr. Sefton FBI. BFG. FUBAR assures me that they were real. Concerns have been raised about Gregoire_de_Fronsac after he was spied walking the streets of Las Vegas wearing nothing but a sock. If spotted, please call St.MZs - do NOT attempt to apprehend. St.MZs finally got their hands on one of our community’s most troubled minds: Father_TeQ voluntarily admitted himself today for study, anger-management therapy and, no doubt, immediate medication. 'MAFIA MUSE' Musings of a Mafioso A close relative stood the streets a few days ago and poked fun at our world by observing that we had gone 24 hours without a street boss dying. Some found it funny and a few didn’t see the humour. C’est la vie. When I write this on Thursday night I see 5 street bosses lying in the grave yard all dead in the last 24 hours. My how things change. Are we all so self-cantered that we can’t see that there is room for at least 9 made men? We could probably handle twice that many given the census bureau’s latest numbers. But as long as we determine that everyone except those in our immediate circle of business partners are not worthy of owning a bar we are condemned to repeating this foolish pattern ad infinitum. Gah, it’s too much, as I put pen to paper tonight, I’ve received a phone call another potential leader was gunned down tonight. Opus was a fine person from a long bloodline of strong personalities. Old blood if you will, I am all for giving new blood a chance but we also need to realize that we need experienced leaders. A mix of old and new blood is the ideal. Hell any made men would good at this point and for those that are worried about worthiness there is plenty of time to take care of that. The road from Made Man to Godfather is long with many twists. I’m sure there will be many opportunities to ambush the leaders that don’t measure up. When will we turn the corner and move our society to the next level? An old ancestor of mine once said that each of our ideas for utopia is probably different and only the very strongest willed is going to see if their vision is truly utopian. Me? All I’m looking for is a little improvement from week to week. I’m afraid we didn’t get anywhere this week. 'LETTERS PAGE ' MISS MAFIA I would just like to thank everyone for taking the time to fill out an application as judge in the First Annual Miss Mafia Contest. The response was overwhelming. I’ve chosen five males judges, plus myself for the contest. The judges will be… MadDog, a contestant in the Mr Mafia contest. VitoCapone, another Mr Mafia contestant. Relapsed, the evil citizen of the mafia world. Fletcher, a very well respected man. Opei, the judge most likely to be bribed with sex. And myself, because I said so. The lucky ladies will be named on Sunday, with the contest commencing on Monday. Good luck to all the ladies, and let’s try not to get too catty. Thank you, BarbieDahl 'WE HEAR THAT… ' Gossip column by: Trixie ....People still have their undies in a bunch over various matters dealing with all sorts of things. And yet, they do nothing to make it better or fix it. Le sigh at them that’s for sure. ....LittleCeez likes to sell his body for money. Earlier this morning a woman received 2 dollars and was sent a telegram asking her if she liked cocktail weenies. We aren’t sure what that means, but we're scared to ask him. ....TieDomi has been complaining that his name isn’t in the paper much anymore. So Here... Salvatore "Sally" Monella is trying to teach Tie the ways of cross-dressing. Other than the pink boots and the tutu Sally says tie is failing horribly. OBITUARIES FOR SEP 15TH - SEP 16TH ' *Puck : A well respected man, his death was random, brutal, and unnecessary. He will be missed. LostHeavens, RIP Puck. A Truly good man. BeautifulDistraction, *lays a rose* You were such a sweetheart!! *CarlitoB : A new bar owner, but wise beyond his years, remembered as a good friend. *Methical : Well known by many as well as loved, he was an inspirational leader for those below him. Sky_Blue, You were the best babe!! Evolved, RIP old friend, you were truely one of the great leaders. *Boston_George : Another new bar owner, with a low profile, he was the victim of an unprovoked attack... *Cora__DiBiazzio : Who could not like this woman? Her looks matched only by her intelligence, irreplaceable. VoicesInMyHead, RIP sweetheart Boo_Diggins, Cora, perfection personified. 'DEATH ON THE UPRISE Comment By: RobertPlant Is this a safe place to stay? Lets look at it from how it was to how it is! Two days ago the deaths were 30 in the last 24hours; now it’s up to 109 in 24 hours but why? Well there is a growing of enemies but not a growing of friends and too many of us carry guns, so if there is one insult in the air they make sure they pay with their life. Is this nice? No: in fact it is identified as brutal and cold blooded, the deaths of hundreds in one day! It looks like a terrorist attack, not just a few deaths, which is understandable, but 109 is unforgivable. I’d like to see a change for the better there please 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. Come to The Lone Gunman Bar! Two locations in Las Vegas on Weston Rd. right off the strip and Los Angeles on 4th street right off Hollywood BLVD. Great food, great environment and great people! ---- Are you suffering an indecisive moment? Are you approaching a life changing decision and don't know what to do? Did your significant other stray into your sister's bed? Did your boss order you to clean the toilets again? Have you found your cat to be doing odd things in the kitchen involving your dog and a spatula? Are the squirrels and raccoons taking over your private life and turning you into a paranoid shell of whom you used to be? You're in luck. A new spiritual advisor is in town. Ms. Payne will be penning a new weekly column for The Gazette dedicated entirely to your needs, wants, and desires with her own cynical outlook on our world. Submit your letters screaming for help to OpheliaPayne today and keep your eyes open for "Dear Ophelia" in upcoming weekend editions of The Gazette. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'REFERENCES''' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=34 Browse • • • • • • •